Why staying single might be better for me...

One thing that I have noticed as I grow older and the spectre of bachelorhood kicks in (it's been two years since I had a relationship), is that the small number of single women there are at my age (I'm 28 by the way) have a number of barriers which prevent them from dating, although I am sure these apply to men too:

• Trust issues: usually drawn from previous bad experience of the opposite sex. Bullying or people consistently feeding you negativity, or even just negative experiences in the past can cause you to doubt the motives of other people, bringing about a vicious circle of distrust.
• Hung up on their ex: and that could last for years, if not decades after splitting up with them. The other persons desire to resume their relationship with them is so strong and their love for that other person so great, that any other relationship they try to pursue afterward will be doomed to fail.
• Desire to pursue someone unavailable: for example, if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a celebrity. The only problem is, while we can dream of dating someone who is unobtainable (I'm sure we've all done it, I know I have) and its a good thing to be optimistic, you have to be realistic too, which leads me nicely to:
• Being too picky: I know of people who have a list of characteristics they want in a partner as long as a mobile phone bill. Again, its good to have what you want in life, but you also have to be realistic. You can't have everything in life and sometimes, compromise is key. Don't compromise too much or it'll end in unhappiness and of course, don't go for the option of settling or "you'll do" - you'll regret it.
• Mental health issues: conditions such as social anxiety, shyness and negative thought processes (also applies to trust issues) can make someone withdraw from being confident (a very attractive trait) and doing their own thing in life. Best way to tackle this is therapy. I have social anxiety and through both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a weekly social group (I met my one and only now ex-girlfriend there), improved my anxiety and fear somewhat. You'll never be cured, but it will improve to a point where quality-of-life improves.

Of course, this isn't and doesn't pretend to be, a exhaustive list of things I have noticed which makes someone not want to date someone else. Now what does this have to do with the title of this blog? Well, I have experienced every single one of them in the past, and sometimes, when people have so much baggage on them, focusing on your own life and doing your own to make you happy is the way to go. Don't give up hope, certainly don't close your heart to anyone who could come into your life but don't focus on finding love either.