Zealots

I noticed that ever since I started playing video games back in the mid 90s, there were always a number of individuals who would take a dead serious, even religious stance towards a particular company or person. To the point where they would vigorously defend the actions of the said company or person and oppose their competitors.

I first noticed this phenomenon back in the mid 90s between Sega and Nintendo fans. Those two companies were fighting it out to be the biggest 16-bit games console competitor. I also noticed that both sets of fans had a hardcore number who would defend the manufacturer of their beloved console, dismiss the other and would not listen to reason if their console manufacturer did something wrong or bad. It carried on into the 32-bit era with Sega vs Sony and then also Nintendo and also with Microsoft joining in the games market. That still continues on today, as seen in debates across discussion forums and video gaming comment sections.

I used to be one of them, I used to love Sega products and would not use anything else. That carried on until 2001 when Sega pulled out of console production after several years of bad decisions which damaged the company to the point of massive debt and potential financial ruin, if it wasn't for Sega's decision to go multiplatform and the $695.7 million private donation from Isao Okawa before his death.

But it's also appeared in a number of other genres and situations too. Football teams are the historic one. You get flame wars between Microsoft vs Apple vs Linux users, Gnome vs KDE, FM vs DAB and individual celebrities. Look at console releases or the release of an item from the next company I'm going to talk about, people queuing for days to be the first to own a newly released item, high fives, applauding and celebration of consumerism. I never got the point of it myself, I'd rather just get something as and when, I've never been one to follow the herd mentality ever since 2001.

Apple is a company which has a passionate core of supporters surrounding it, and has been the centre of many a documentary in its time, but it is starting to grow it's own religious cult of hardcore supporters, for whom Apple is the only way and anything else is sacrilege. I think Apple understands this dedication to their brand and price accordingly - it really is the case that some people will pay anything to own an Apple product. This dedication also creates a backlash and negative perspective from other people, whom mock and even go to lengths of destroying Apple products because they despise the religious like dedication of Apple supporters.

But it's also appearing with celebrities on Twitter. Justin Bieber is the prime example but it's also apparent with One Direction, Lady GaGa and other accounts. Regular trending topics start about the celebrity, usually from people whose own account pays homage to the said celebrity. Anyone who dares criticise or point out fault with the celebrity is dismissed out of hand as a "hater". And as with Apple, it has developed a counteracting group of people who detest the religious like following that people have for a celebrity.

My view on it from past experience is that people should like and follow things, but as with so much in life, restraint, realism and the middle ground is where you should be at, don't dismiss other things or people either.

"Plenty of fish in the sea..."

It's said a lot by may people in good faith, but how accurate is it?

I can only go by my personal experience, but at the age of 28, I can count on my fingers the number of single people I know. As I mentioned in my first blog post, there are a number of reasons why people are single, either through circumstance or through choice. But it's the phrase "plenty of fish in the sea" that people give as advice in discussion forums and comments which puzzles me, it doesn't match the personal experience I have.

If anything, the EU should be putting quotas on single people! From experience at my age, we are a rare breed.

It'll be of no surprise that I decided to focus on myself and live life how I want to and make my own happiness rather than "go fishing". If I find love, great. If not (realism, not negativity) then I'll be happy. It's win, win.

Long term bachelor(ette)hood doesn't mean failure

Why is being a bachelor or bachelorette seen as being a BAD thing? Finding a partner is the ultimate goal, anything less is seen as abject failure.

There is a common set of unwritten rules imposed by Government and society into what the average persons life path should take. Alongside getting a job, owning a house, learning to drive, one of these rules involves finding a partner, getting married and having children. Worse still, if you are in a situation where you are the so called "last one standing" within your friends and acquaintances, it makes socialising very difficult as you end up feeling the odd one out in a sea of couples, even to the point of not wishing to socialise with those people. Being single is actively discouraged by the media, Government and ultimately, individuals in society as a whole. Indeed, within modern male advice guides, they actively paint the "eternal bachelor" in a bad light. As if being long term single can only be a sign of abject failure within an individuals life path.

If someone is happy with their life solo, shouldn't we just let them live their life that way? If you are lucky, like I am, people will eventually accept your wish to be single. That's not an indication of ever closing the door to the idea of love, that's just contentment. If you are unlucky, you'll be subject to the repetitive calls of how you are unlucky in love and how you'll meet someone one day. Of course, if you are not happy, then you should take positive steps to change your life, but the main objective of life is to make yourself and the ones you love happy. Believe it or not, being a long term single person doesn't mean that you are sad or lonely. Another case of don't take things at face value or make assumptions about someone.

Why staying single might be better for me...

One thing that I have noticed as I grow older and the spectre of bachelorhood kicks in (it's been two years since I had a relationship), is that the small number of single women there are at my age (I'm 28 by the way) have a number of barriers which prevent them from dating, although I am sure these apply to men too:

• Trust issues: usually drawn from previous bad experience of the opposite sex. Bullying or people consistently feeding you negativity, or even just negative experiences in the past can cause you to doubt the motives of other people, bringing about a vicious circle of distrust.
• Hung up on their ex: and that could last for years, if not decades after splitting up with them. The other persons desire to resume their relationship with them is so strong and their love for that other person so great, that any other relationship they try to pursue afterward will be doomed to fail.
• Desire to pursue someone unavailable: for example, if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a celebrity. The only problem is, while we can dream of dating someone who is unobtainable (I'm sure we've all done it, I know I have) and its a good thing to be optimistic, you have to be realistic too, which leads me nicely to:
• Being too picky: I know of people who have a list of characteristics they want in a partner as long as a mobile phone bill. Again, its good to have what you want in life, but you also have to be realistic. You can't have everything in life and sometimes, compromise is key. Don't compromise too much or it'll end in unhappiness and of course, don't go for the option of settling or "you'll do" - you'll regret it.
• Mental health issues: conditions such as social anxiety, shyness and negative thought processes (also applies to trust issues) can make someone withdraw from being confident (a very attractive trait) and doing their own thing in life. Best way to tackle this is therapy. I have social anxiety and through both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a weekly social group (I met my one and only now ex-girlfriend there), improved my anxiety and fear somewhat. You'll never be cured, but it will improve to a point where quality-of-life improves.

Of course, this isn't and doesn't pretend to be, a exhaustive list of things I have noticed which makes someone not want to date someone else. Now what does this have to do with the title of this blog? Well, I have experienced every single one of them in the past, and sometimes, when people have so much baggage on them, focusing on your own life and doing your own to make you happy is the way to go. Don't give up hope, certainly don't close your heart to anyone who could come into your life but don't focus on finding love either.